Stop. Start. Repeat.

I was sitting at a red light when my car went quiet.

Foot on the brake.

Engine off.

Wait.

Then the light changed.

I lifted my foot, expecting the usual smooth restart. But it hesitated just enough for me to notice, just enough for me to feel it. That slight struggle before it turned back on like nothing happened.

This car shuts off and restarts dozens of times a day.

Red light.

Delivery.

Parking spot.

Driveway.

Off.

On.

Off.

On.

Over and over.

It’s built for that. That’s what I tell myself.

But today , sitting there in that tiny moment of hesitation, I realized just because something is built for it doesn’t mean it’s not being worn down.

Because if I’m honest… that hesitation didn’t just feel like my car.

It felt like me.

Wake up.

Turn on.

Go.

Wait.

Pause.

Go again.

Push through.

Keep moving.

Don’t think too much about how many times you’ve had to restart just to make it through the day. Because this is what it takes , right?

Flexibility.

Freedom.

Be your own boss.

That’s what they sell you.

What they don’t talk about is the quiet wear and tear. Not the kind you see all at once, but the kind that builds in small, almost invisible moments.

A hesitation,

A delay,

A little more effort than it used to take just to get going again.

My car isn’t broken, but its not untouched. And neither am I.

There’s something strange about realizing that the thing carrying you through life is starting to mirror how you actually feel inside it.

Tired, but still moving. Struggling a little , but still turning back on. Needing a break, but not really having the space to take one.

I turned that auto start-stop feature off today.

Not because it broke.

Because I started paying attention.

And maybe that’s where it begins.

Noticing the pauses, the strain, the quiet moments where something in you hesitates before it keeps going again.

Because maybe the point isn’t to prove how much we can handle.

Maybe the point is to see it before it breaks you.

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